{"id":5517,"date":"2016-06-05T17:39:45","date_gmt":"2016-06-05T15:39:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/?p=5517"},"modified":"2016-06-05T17:39:45","modified_gmt":"2016-06-05T15:39:45","slug":"romantisme-toxice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/?p=5517","title":{"rendered":"Romantisme toxice."},"content":{"rendered":"
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C\u0103\u021b\u0103rat pe o scar\u0103 cu un cui lips\u0103  ma \u00eentind ca un macho la ultimele cire\u0219e de pe anul \u0103sta.<\/p>\n

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Frumoase \u0219i bune cire\u0219ele.  Nevasta pleac\u0103 la altul \u0219i r\u0103m\u00e2n singur st\u0103p\u00e2nul pomului.
\nDin drum \u00eemi zice:
\n-Vezi c\u0103 mi\u0219c\u0103 ceva sub cocenii \u0103\u0219tia, cred c\u0103 e un \u0219arpe sau o \u0219op\u00e2rla 🐍,  s\u0103 vin mai t\u00e2rziu s\u0103 te iau?  <\/strong>
\nDa, mi-e fric\u0103 de lighioane,  dar nu c\u00e2t s\u0103 vin\u0103 nevasta sa ma ia de m\u00e2n\u0103. <\/p>\n

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La plecare o iau a\u0219a mai pe departe… <\/p>\n

\n

Se risipesc norii, pripeste soarele.
\nNumai bine,  s\u0103 m\u0103 apuc de stropit pomii. Altfel, iar plec \u0219i r\u0103m\u00e2n a\u0219a.
\nScot magaoaia cu motor, amestec benzin\u0103,  amestec substan\u021be,  le torn \u0219i traaag la sfoar\u0103 de \u00eemi vine r\u0103u.
\nAr cam fi nevoie de doi, dar nu chem nevasta c\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentreab\u0103 chestii care nu \u00eemi plac. 
\nTrag mai tare \u0219i \u00eemi belesc un deget. 
\nMa uit cu nervi la s\u00e2ngele care p\u0103teaz\u0103 rezervorul alb al atomizorului \u0219i plec ca un c\u00e2ine otr\u0103vit \u00een cas\u0103 la nevast\u0103.
\n-Mai ai plasturi? 
\nM\u0103 oblojeste \u0219i ma \u00eentreab\u0103 dac\u0103 am nevoie de ajutor. Am.
\nDe cum ajunge l\u00e2ng\u0103 ma\u0219in\u0103 ma \u00eentreab\u0103 :
\n-Ai citit instruc\u021biunile? 
\n\u00cemi vine s\u0103 iau c\u00e2mpii.  N-am citit nicio instruc\u021biune de c\u00e2nd am asamblat ma\u0219ina,  nu imi place s\u0103 citesc c\u0103r\u021bi cu instruc\u021biuni,  nu vreau s\u0103 aud!
\n-Da, le-am citit! 
\n-Aici (pe ma\u0219in\u0103)  scrie c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 tragi \u0219ocul,  unde e \u0219ocul.
\nMorm\u0103i ceva aiurea, c\u0103 oricum nu \u0219tie ea, c\u0103 ma\u0219ina asta nu are niciun “\u0219oc” .
\nDe\u0219i ar putea s\u0103 fie tabla asta care altfel nu are niciun rost. Trag de ea \u0219i porne\u0219te la prima sfoar\u0103.  Ptiu, drace!<\/p>\n

M\u0103 inham \u0219i atomizez pomii.  Strig\u0103 dup\u0103 mine c\u0103 s\u0103 fac bine trandafirii.
\n\u00cei faaac,  maxim turez motorul de ii zboar\u0103 \u0219i mama paduchilor de pe ei cu tot cu frunze, flori \u0219i chiar \u0219i spinii se cur\u0103\u021b\u0103. \u00cen mintea mea, desigur.<\/p>\n

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Termin, las ma\u0219ina,  mai juc\u0103m vreo dou\u0103 pase care m\u0103 ard oleac\u0103 mai pu\u021bin dec\u00e2t s\u00e2ngele ce mi se amestec\u0103 cu sulfatul de cupru \u0219i m\u0103 duc s\u0103 fac baie.
\n-D\u0103 s\u0103 te pup, zice.
\n-Nu, stai,  c\u0103 sunt otr\u0103vitor.
\n-Oricum e\u0219ti. <\/p>\n

Love iz in the air si o gr\u0103mad\u0103 de nori care stau s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i bata \u0219i s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na asta pula de munca mea.  Agricultura la distan\u021b\u0103 e ca iubirea <\/strike> fututul la distan\u021b\u0103.  Pe apucate \u0219i cu rezultate slabe.<\/p>\n

Ma uit \u00een sus cu lehamite \u0219i \u00eemi dau seama ce voia s\u0103 zic\u0103 tata cu injuratura :
\n-Futu-ti norii ma-tii! <\/p>\n

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Dac\u0103 aveam c\u0103ciula de miel a lu’ bunicul r\u0103posat a\u0219 fi dat cu ea de p\u0103m\u00e2nt,  dar e iunie.<\/p>\n

\u00cen alt\u0103 ordine de idei de la singurul coac\u0103z productiv am recoltat dou\u0103 borcane de fructe,  unu de 800 \u0219i unul de 400. De ml.
\nDa, e duminic\u0103.  Se voteaz\u0103 cic\u0103.  Am s\u0103 zic mai t\u00e2rziu ceva despre asta.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

C\u0103\u021b\u0103rat pe o scar\u0103 cu un cui lips\u0103  ma \u00eentind ca un macho la ultimele cire\u0219e de pe anul \u0103sta. Frumoase \u0219i bune cire\u0219ele.  Nevasta…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[571],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5517","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-log"],"views":1457,"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4Eq23-1qZ","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5517","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5517"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5517\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5518,"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5517\/revisions\/5518"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5517"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5517"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/catalinx.ro\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5517"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}